A guest blog by Nicolas, a Full Member of The Group.
My wife and I just attended the Lowcountry Lifestyle Weekend in Charleston. When meeting some of the sixty guests, I heard a few times from those attending (this being their first weekend event with The Group) about the disparity in the experience between their initial Just for a Dinner event and the Charleston weekend event.
It’s not the first time we’ve heard this; we’ve also met others in the lifestyle who attended a dinner some years ago and “weren’t that impressed” and, therefore, never moved forward in their membership in The Group.
My wife and I have been to three of The Group’s weekend events and thirteen—yes, thirteen —Just for Dinner evenings, so we definitely understand why the disparity exists. So, I asked the founders of The Group, George and Ann, if I could write an article about my own experiences and take a stab at explaining why this perceived disparity exists.
Or to put it another way – explain why you shouldn’t “judge a group by its’ dinner”.
It simply comes down to two things: expectation and purpose.
Expectations of Just for Dinner
We’ve met plenty of couples who weren’t sure what to expect with their first Just for Dinner (we weren’t). The excitement of a new lifestyle opportunity that isn’t the same old thing can easily cause expectations to get out of hand.
Let’s start by the Group’s choice of restaurant. Based on The Group’s promotion as a private high-end lifestyle event, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect a near–perfect dinner experience; the food, wine, service, etc. should all be close to (or at) Michelin star quality.
Now, probably a handful of you are reading this and have already attended a Just for Dinner evening but didn’t find it up to par. I’m actually not going to fault you. But remember, no one can bat a thousand – in fact, of the thirteen dinners we had, twelve were excellent, and one particular dinner was so less than perfect I would probably not return there personally ever (it was a steakhouse in New York City – the filet was massively undercooked. The head waiter rushed to fix it, and eventually, you end up with this great medium filet, but to get there, the outside is a hockey puck. There was more, but at that point, yeah… I was just done).
But in the bigger picture, you take twelve out of thirteen stellar dinners and then three great weekend events and you quickly realize, sometimes even The Group chooses a place that’s having a really off night.
So, with the choice of restaurant out of the way, let’s talk about attendees’ expectations of Just for Dinner. The punch line here is sometimes people forget the name of the event they’re attending!
I remember we attended a dinner where one of the wives looked especially nervous. George went over and asked her if she was ok. She admitted her nervousness, to which he replied, “Well, have you ever had dinner before?” She was confused by the response (as we all would to such a seemingly unrelated question) and replied, “Of course I have.” George reassured her, saying, “That’s all we’re doing here tonight; just enjoying dinner together.” After that, she was at ease the rest of the night.
If you visit one of the many Just for Dinner city pages that list the upcoming dinners in and around a given major city, there’s a section entitled “What is Just for Dinner?,” which spells out pretty clearly what your expectation for Just for Dinner’s should be:
Just for Dinner is a lifestyle event sponsored by The Group to create an opportunity for professionals in the lifestyle to meet in a more discreet and elegant setting.
Just for Dinner is a lifestyle experience for those tired of the noisy (and cliquey) clubs, the house parties, and the dreaded “meet and greets” to instead spend an evening with other well-educated, well-traveled professionals in the lifestyle. There’s time before, during, and afterward to engage with others – with the emphasis on being there for dinner and nothing else.
That should be your expectation.
The Purpose of Just for Dinner
Circling back to the Just for Dinner city pages’ “What is Just for Dinner?” definition, there’s one last piece of critical detail to cover:
It also serves as the first step in becoming a member of The Group, which provides its members with access to private events, parties, and getaways throughout the world.
Think about the end goal of why you’re attending Just for Dinner in the first place: you want to belong to a private lifestyle group. But do you really want to be stuck hanging out with a bunch of self-centered jerks who would like to flaunt how rich they are, who don’t engage in interesting conversation, and who get so drunk they’re of no use to anyone? Of course not. You want to meet attractive, like-minded professional people with whom you have something in common and who are fun to be with… in the hopes that later in the evening, they’re “fun to be with” (did you see what I did there???!?).
The beauty of The Group is that it is literally a curated group of individuals in the lifestyle who “make the list” by first attending Just for Dinner and personally meeting either George or Ann.
You may wonder, what’s the magical litmus test for becoming a member of The Group? For the individual or couple wanting to join (putting aside a desire for a more upscale lifestyle experience), it’s relatively simple in my mind: they need to look like their pictures, not be jerks or drunks, and are engaging people we’d all want to hang out with.
To create this curated group of individuals in the lifestyle, someone has to travel the country on an endless loop and perform a vetting process to eliminate all the jerks, drunks, and those misrepresenting themselves. That’s what Just for Dinner is for.
In other words, the purpose of Just for Dinner is to interview you.
Through personal interaction throughout the evening, George and Ann use their 19+ years of hosting these lifestyle events to decide who’s in… and who’s out. I should note that it’s not unheard of that you could be invited to a weekend event after attending your first Just for Dinner evening, and not a single other couple was.
To put it bluntly, not everyone gets in.
Judging the Group: Dinners vs. Events
Let’s return to this article’s premise: folks judging The Group by a Just for Dinner evening. I can tell you with an extremely high degree of certainty there’s a massive disparity between the experience you’ll have at Just for Dinner and that of a Weekend Event – so much so that you shouldn’t be judging The Group by your Just for Dinner evening.
Consider the disparities from a few perspectives:
Then How Should You “Judge” The Group?
Nearly every member at some point was a dinner guest wondering, “Do I want to join this group or not?” And since I’ve (hopefully) eliminated Just for Dinner as a means of judging the merits of being a member of The Group, it stands to reason I need to give you something to evaluate whether membership should interest you.
Here’s how my wife and I determined our participation in The Group.
It’s been four years since we joined—four years that have included plenty of trips to new cities, along with great new friendships, experiences, and memories. None of this would have happened had we “judged a group by its dinner.”
[Click Here] to read Nick’s second installment, “Is the Price worth the Hype?”
